White coat. Heels.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
