after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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