I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
