i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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