Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
