It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
