I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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