Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
