I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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