yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
