You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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