Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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