the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
