don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
