it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
