i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How does it feel to date your dad?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
