my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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