I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
