forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
