but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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