I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
