I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
