4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
