I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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