Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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