cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
