That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
