I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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