He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
