Welp...herpes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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