If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
