So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
