I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
