As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
