hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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