My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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