He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
