Joe is yelling at the trees again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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