her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
