im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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