I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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