I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
