From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
