why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
