he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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