if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
