she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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