i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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