Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she smelled like a LAN party
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
