It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
