When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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