Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
