then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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