her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
