There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
