The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
pray to the hookup gods
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
