i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
